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7th February 2005

3:03pm: so i'm not a big fan of this user name and i haven't been a fan of it for a while which plays a big part in my not posting anything important on any regular basis. i have created a new lj account...the name is gendertrash.

i've been wanting to get into the habit of posting on a regular basis and hopefully that will happen now :)

1st February 2005

5:48pm: i know that i am a womens studies major or as i like to say a feminism major...with that said is it too much to ask for people who are willing to "defend" power dynamics bdsm in an academic theoretical sense to then make some sort of effort to try to understand my relationship??? seriously now i mean it's really fucking annoying to have really great kids look at me like i am crazy when i talk about aspects of my life...

ok that was my little rant about anoying people lol :)
Current Mood: amused

22nd January 2005

11:41pm: This Tuesday

15th January 2005


i am going to post pictures soon

10th January 2005

7:32pm: "you know you have taken too many women's studies courses when EVERYTHING can be blamed on the patriarchy"

1st January 2005

7:11pm: Life Doesn't Come With Training Wheels
i was cleaning my office and found a bunch of copies of life doesn't come with training wheels a zine of mine that came out a few months ago!!!

Life Doesn't Come With Training Wheels is a zine exploring the past few years of my paradoxal life. it is 30 1/2 legal pages filled with what it's like to be me...the fluidity of my identity and how i see the world including my past sexual abuse, my abusive mother, domestic violence in my own past relationships, many genderqueer rants, queer words,what it has ment to start and then stop "transitioning from female to male" (including being on hormones for a year) and comming back out as a dyke boi genderqueer tranny half-breed freak!!! my life with my chosen childreen (two dogs and a cat)
and more!!!!!

$2 + $1 shipping

my ability to fill orders is not limited to the number of zines i found in my office i will be making more copies!!!

right now i can't take paypall because i haven't been able to get it to work...please send cash or checks to me:

click patterdale
931 NW 20th apt 16
portland, Oregon 97209

26th December 2004

2:06pm: i have finally got inspired about this art project that i am doing!!! for those of you who don't know i was selected to have my art up at a genderqueer conference in santa barbara early in 2005...well i have to have all the art done and pics of it on a cd and to them by the 7th of january!!! ack!!! and i have been sooo bad completly procrastinating...and not working on it nearly as much as i should have been (ok really at all) lots of reasons why but i just couldn't get myself inspired...and then today i sat down to work and basically re organized the entire thing...changed it all around and have rough draft sketches for just about all the pices and better than that i am acctually excited about it!!! a little nervious (because i'm not sure how people will react to some of it's a good nervious if that makes any sence) i hope it makes people think about what genderqueer is and what it can include :)

anyway i've been on a hunt for things to use in the art and i found (well technically i found it when i cleaned last week and threw out garbage bags (yes plural) of junk paper) *no more packrat, no more packrat, no more packrat* anyway back to the story...i found my queer folder from my senior year in high school!!! it was crazy!!! it was pretty damed cool to look through the gsa section of the folder and look at all the posters that i had saved and then i looked at the dates and realized that so many of them were done while so much of my life was volital and i was homeless and holy shit i guess sometimes i forget what i did in that suburban redneck conservative high school lol

anyway i'm back to work on my art!!!

i also have a zine to get finished!!! my open mic is tuesday and i want to have the zine done by then!!! FUCK!!! lol lol lol lol lol speaking of the last word (my open mic) everyone should come!!! for those of you who don't know it is at In Other Words books (3734 se hawthorne) and it's at 8 everyone should come and bring something to read or just come ready to listen!!! :)
Current Mood: artistic

24th December 2004

11:06am: femme is genderqueer

12th December 2004

6:58pm: Santa!!!

well today i took the pups to see santa for the first time!!!

they were so well behaved!!! it was in pionere place mall (they did pet santa for two hours tonight) there were so many cute furry kids there!!! lots of dogs a cat even a rat!!! there were of course some diareah machines (human childreen) one who was teasing my kids and when i told her to stop she looked so offended (she was probobly 7 or 8???i don't know i'm not that good at aging human kids) and then this other little kid who had been standing in line near us and after she talked to santa she threw a temper tantrum because she wanted a present (other than the coloring book santa gave her) right now!!!

anyway it was very fun and mercury and cosmo were so good in the mall..."santa" and his "elves" were all very impressed with how well behanved they were and even commented to me about it when we picked up our picture (my friend who drove us down so we didn't have to walk told them i was a trainer while i was getting them to look at the "elf" taking the pictures)and when i got my picture the "elf" was like i know you do this for a living but your dogs are really well behaved...i of course was super confused as how he knew i trained dogs since i didn't know she had told them lol it was funny. they told her that if people spent as much time with their human kids as people did with their dogs their lives would be a lot easier lol

this was definatly my christmas present to myself...although i think i'm going to print out another pic and give it to my grandparents and my moms with their christmas presents...and then i got two photo keychains with the pics and i am going to give one of those to kestryl tonight (i'm sure it's exactly what ze really wants lol :) )

3rd December 2004

1:40pm: so i have decided to fianlly get a friendster account and use it...but now i'm stuck!!! i made it and invited some people to be my friendsters but i can't figure out how to work the fucking site...lol lol lol

did i mention that i'm not the best with computers? lol

2nd December 2004

4:23pm: 'Tis the Night Before Christmas (in the Shelter)

'Tis the night before Christmas and all through the town,
every shelter is full - we are lost but not found...
Our numbers are hung on our kennels so bare,
we hope every minute that someone will care.
They'll come to adopt us and give us the call,
"come here, Max and Sparkie - come fetch your new ball!"
But now we sit here and think of the days.....
we were treated so fondly - we had baby ways.
Once we were little, then we grew and we grew ~
now we're no longer young, and we're no longer new.
So out the back door we were thrown like trash,
they reacted so quickly - why were they so rash?
We "jump on the children," "don't come when they call",
we "bark when they leave us," "climb over the wall."
We should have been neutered, we should have been spayed,
now we suffer the consequence of the error they made.
If only they'd trained us, if only we knew.....
we'd have done what they asked us and worshipped them too.
We were left in the back yard, or worse - left to roam....
now we're tired and lonely and out of a home.
They dropped us off here and they kissed us good-bye....
"Maybe someone else will give you a try."
So now here we are, all confused and alone........
in a shelter with others who long for a home.
The kind workers come through with a meal and a pat,
with so many to care for, they can't stay to chat.
They move to the next kennel, giving each of us cheer....
we know that they wonder how long we'll be here.
We lay down to sleep and sweet dreams fill our heads....
of a home filled with love and our own cozy beds.
Then we wake to see sad eyes, brimming with tears ~
our friends filled with emptiness, worry and fear.
If you can't adopt us and there's no room at your inn ~
could you help with the bills and fill our food bin?
We count on your kindness each day of the year ~
can you give more than hope to everyone here?
Please make a donation to pay for the heat......
and help us get something special to eat.
The shelter that cares for us wants us to live,
and more or us will, if more people give.

-Author Unknown

1st December 2004


December 1, 2004

14,000 people will be infected with HIV today
7,700 of them will be 24 or younger
7,500 - more than half- will be women or girls

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog

28th November 2004

11:04pm: i was given a flower today ***meep*** :)
Current Mood: loved
8:26am: i haven't updated in a little whiile again...but i just wanted to say that i had the best thanksgiving of my entire life!!! it was wonderful!!!

i should go and get back to my homework...

15th November 2004

10:20am: hmmmmmm i really need to write my LOP piece and stop taking surveys...but i couldn't resist this one
Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"

You live to serve! You're most excited when someone else takes the reins and controls the situation. You're happy to do whatever will make your partner happy, even if it isn't your favorite thing to do. In the bedroom, you aim to please. Your motto is, Yes Sir/Ma'am!

14th November 2004

9:16pm: hmmmm
You are the Marquis Da Sade. Even stripped of
exaggerations, Your real life was as dramatic
and as tragic as a cautionary tale. Born to an
ancient and noble house, you were married
(against your wishes) to a middle-class heiress
for money, caused scandals with prostitutes and
with your sister-in-law, thus enraging your
mother-in-law, who had you imprisoned under a
lettre de cachet for 14 years until the
Revolution freed you. Amphibian, protean,
charming, you became a Revolutionary,
miraculously escaping the guillotine during the
Terror, only to be arrested later for
publishing your erotic novels. You spent your
final 12 years in the insane asylum at
Charenton, where you caused another scandal by
directing plays using inmates and professional
actors. You died there in 1814, virtually in
the arms of your teenage mistress.
You are a revolutionary deviant. I applaud you.

Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
9:12pm: have i mentioned i'm a hopeless romantic
The Princess Bride
I'm sure it's no big surprise to you that your
romance is The Princess Bride. A heartwarming
tale of "Twue Wuve" that has giants,
Spainards and swashbuckling. You really do
think that love can overcome anything. You may
be a touch naive but your heart is certainly in
the right place. You've probably got one of
those relationships where proper nouns have
been replaced with "Snookums" and
"Pookie Pie". Eww. Beware a cuteness

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
8:27pm: my weekend :)
i know, i know it's been a feally fucking long time since i updated my lj with anysort of regularity and it's been even longer since i updated my lj with anything about my real life other than to occasionally post info about shows and stuff...

perhaps it's my inner procrastinate but as a way of putting off working on homework or my language of paradox piece i'm going to update my lj lol

friday night i went to a play called yerma (spelled wrong i'm sure) about this woman who wanted to have a baby...it was interesting...not quite sure how i feel about it...but theater is always fun regardless of the plot lol :)

wow what a weekend...yesterday morning i got the worlds crazies couch!!! it's mint green and all velvety and the best part was it was like $5 at a garage sale up the street...the interesting part came when i in all my butch glory lol lol lol decided that i should move it on top of a shopping cart...very funny shit...that plan ended up failing miserably and the nelly fag who was working at the garage sale gave up helping me part way to my house i had to call kestryl to help me out... wefound out why the couch was $5 it weighs about 500,000 pounds!!! i think they sold it to me so they wouldn't ever have to move it again...but at least is here now!!!

after that kestryl and i hung out with a friend of ours...the three of us went out and basically caused trouble at sparticus (sp) lol it ws great i got to watch the two of them be 14 year old boys!!! and then we came back to my house and watched the worlds WORST porn oh my God this was really fucking bad and i have seen my share of bad porn!!! these guys wern't even hard!!! definatly pay for gay!!! and then of course there were the guys with the bad chemical tans...and who can forget pink triangle man lol lol lol ok only two other people will get that joke!!! it was great...the three of us are hanging out next weekned too (before lop on sunday) they are going to watch some football game and me? i get to hang out with someone who is also not so into that whole football bonding thing lol lol :)

i went out to dinner last night at the olive garden mmmmmmmm oh my God it was so fucking good (it was our fag date) it was so fun to scare suburban families!!! we even managed to scare our server who was EXTREMLY uncomfortable with the fact that kestryl ordered for me oh my God and this guy was gay!!! it was great!!! there was some scarry aspects though...like the 12 year old girl sitting at another table with 3 pounds of makeup on her face!!! and then the six year old girls who had cell phones!!! anyway it was very very fun!!!

yeah so this morning i was laying in bed half asleap listening to the radio count down the top 20 country songs (ok why did that make me feel like ani lol lol) curled up with the dogs and falling back to sleep when some hot queer decided to enter my apartment...hard packing...lord that was so great!!! the new sheets (which i got by returning some NASTY pink shoues my mom (yes the crazy birth one) sent me) have been offically broken in!!!

hmmmm what else is going on???the cats are asleap...the dogs are asleap...i should be writing a pice about gender but for some strange reason at this exact moment i'm not really feeling it...hmmm could that be why i just updated my lj about my weekend??? i think perhaps so...hmmm yeah

i have class at 8am tomorow at least i have done my homework for that though :) it's so cool i am acctually into school!!! i am going to graduate!!! it's going to be a lot of work but i have finally worked through all my shit around school...it kicks ass!!! i am very proud of myself!!! i'm even thinking of going to graduate school someday and working in some sort of alternative high school teaching at risk lgbtqqippabdsm... youth!!! (i think my dyke moms are sort of in shock about that)

another old friend of mine who is also a smyrc volunteere called me tonight wich was way cool...i don't talk to her very often although we are very close...it was great and i get to hang out with her soon!!!

well i should go and work on my piece before i go to kestryls to hang out for a while...
Current Mood: excited
8:00pm: The Language Of Paradox
Sunday November 21st
The Language Of Paradox
at the Meow Meow
320 SE 2nd ave
$5-$15 (all ages)
doors 7:30pm, Show 8pm

Kate Bornstein returns to Portland once again to perform a new solo performance and engage the LOPers. a troupe of 16-24 year old trans people and genderqueers who under kate's tutelage during a week-long workshop, will present the next installment in thir semi-autobiographical, s emi-theatre, semi-performance art group show. Through spoken word, monologue, and short skit. these performers use wit, humor, and brilliant insight into the trials and tribulations with gender identity.

3rd November 2004


we lost...

Current Mood: crushed

25th October 2004

10:55am: TOMOROW NIGHT!!!
10:34am: Rock The Vote
Rock the Vote is a non-partisan, non-profit dedicated to protecting freedom of expression and the empowerment of America’s youth.

Rock the Vote is campaigning on the most important issues that young American voters will face this election season: jobs, education, Iraq, the economy and free expression.

And we need your help!

Rock the Vote welcomes any and all young people that have the desire to promote youth participation in the political process.

to get involved with rock the vote contact me today!!!

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